My boyfriend, Cody, graduated last year with a major in English / Creative writing. He worked at Nintendo for about four months, then quit. He got a dog. He found work at a bookstore but was layed off in December. Went without a job until a week ago when he went back to the bookstore on part time.
He's restless. He hates looking for jobs and he's not very good at finding them. He doesn't know how to "apply himself" or make himself look good, and he doesn't want to. He thinks it's all a sick game and one he doesn't want to participate in.
So now he wants to join the army.
This isn't exactly a new thing for him, he mentioned it last year and has thought about doing it off and on for the past couple of years, but this time it's serious.
He says he needs to test himself. He needs completely new experiences. He wants to learn more about himself, and thinks the army would be the place for it.
At first I tried to talk rationally about it, but was soon overcome with emotions of abandonment and misery, and all I could do was cry. I thought we were going to keep living together, find a little house with another roommate... take care of the dog together.
I hated the idea and couldn't believe he would ever do it. But at the same time, the part of me that is his best friend wanted to tell him to go for it. He needs a kick in the butt to get him to stop wasting his potential, and hell, maybe the army would do it. Or maybe he would get killed. I have no first-hand experience with the army, except for some friends / cousins who joined the Navy, but I wasn't too close with them, and I certainly wasn't living / in love with them!
I don't know what to think. On the one hand, I really don't think our relationship would last if he was gone for pretty much for years. We've only been dating for two. On the other hand, I think it might really be good for him, and I don't want to be the reason he doesn't do what he feels he needs to do.
I also worry that I couldn't take care of the dog on my own, or that I should have to. I told him "If you were thinking about joining the Army two years ago, then it was irresponsible of you to get a dog AND a needy girlfriend who actually likes you being around and in her life."
But then... if Cody was gone, I could live with my best friend again in Seattle. We could have adventures and parties and couch surfers. I could live with Jessica in Oregon and we could bake pie all day. I could do a lot of things.
Gah... emotion vs. rationality. What does devotion mean? What do I really know about love? Or supporting someone I care about?
I guess nothing.
